Fictional Happiness

For the past few days I’ve been pretty zoned out in the sense that I’ve basically been living up inside my head. Well, I do live there most of the time, but this has been different; it’s been… better.

Inside my head is a beautiful magical place, and I don’t mean the rainbows and fairies sort of magical, I mean the me being happy kind. Yep, I’ve been quite happy; happier than ever, actually, just me and my colorful mind. But that’s not why I’m writing about this. I’m a bit worried, quite frankly. I mean, as much as I’m happy being happy, I can’t just separate myself from the real world. I wish I could, but I can’t.

I have a lot to deal with at the moment: assignment deadlines, exams, family issues, personal issues, just to name a few, and I would want more than anything to walk away from all this and go somewhere warm and quiet, full of life yet calm and tranquil. But at the end of the day I’m struck by reality and forced to come back down to where all my problems are lined up in front of my door, in order of importance, waiting to be dealt with and hopefully resolved.

But I’m tired, God, I swear that I am drained and confused. I’m not sure I’m doing the right things and I need some sort of guidance; it’s all too overwhelming.

Speaking of that little world of mine, I’ve also wished I could take someone up there with me. Music is my elevator. That’s how I transport myself to and from my utopia, but I don’t think I can use that with someone else. I want to be able to have someone see what I see and feel what I feel. Just one person special enough to share this happiness with. I have this playlist with songs that make me really, really calm and happy. I just… sort of feel at peace with the world when the music is playing. I don’t know what it reminds me of, but it does remind me of something. I’ve also speculated it could be the weather. Sunshine and warmth in general uplift me, and with the daylight savings thing we now have an extra hour of daylight, so more happy time and prettier sunsets with the sky being clear and the weather warm enough to get outside and watch. It’s probable that it’s all these things together, and I’m not complaining, I’m just a bit worried I might drift off for too long because I do enjoy it.

I guess I’ll figure it out soon enough; until then, be (realistically) happy, don’t run away from your problems, decide carefully, and keep blogging.

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