Last time I posted here things were awful in every sense. I was at an all-time low, and nothing seemed to work out. It wasn’t the normal case where things get a little messed up and I get pissed off; it was a manic mess, and so was I. During that time I cut out all connections with people around me because frankly, they weren’t really helping make anything any better, nor were they even trying. I made use of that time for more in-depth introspection and decided there were a few things about myself that I seriously needed to adjust, and I can honestly say that I tried and am in the middle of experimenting with these adjustments.
Fortunately and thankfully, things started to turn around after New Year’s. A lot of the issues that had been going on previously slowly began to resolve, I was beginning to feel more like myself, and thus felt comfortable enough to reconnect with humans. I also got the grades I was hoping for but never thought I’d get and was presented with the opportunity I was planning on going for. At that point things were happening so quickly that I couldn’t quite wrap my head around what’s going on. Some things I just couldn’t accept were actually happening although I was immensely thankful. I was overwhelmed with both gratitude and denial, and it felt like nothing I’d experienced before. A part of me was in charge of keeping the emotional guards up through this entire transitory phase, quietly anticipating bad news. I still have my hopes under control lest I get knocked back down anytime soon.
I do have to say I’m generally, mostly, thankfully content and doing well, both emotionally and socially. Yep, you read that right, I have been relatively socially active. It’s actually not that bad an idea as long as you make calculated moves regarding who you choose to practice socialising with and where you do it. It’s mostly been in classes with, well, classmates of mine. It’s quite fun in general as long as I get to have my alone time shortly after.
I write this as I try not to overthink the awful work I have to do for the next couple of weeks as well as try to convince myself that after spending literally all day studying, I do know all the material for tomorrow’s exam, and that I do NOT need to go over them just one last time. I drive myself crazy sometimes, I swear.
Until next time, keep in mind that somehow, it really does get better—there’s no telling how long it’ll take, but it will happen. Take care of yourself in every way, keep your priorities sorted out, take some time to breathe, and keep blogging.