Blur

I’m back. For some reason I felt like I had to come here and let something out. Unsure of what to say, I’m willing to write something anyway, although, again, I have no idea what I’ll end up writing. Here goes nothing.

Honestly the past few weeks have gone fairly well. I’m … stable— in general. Some days I get random waves of sadness; feelings of worthlessness and misery, and I feel like all I want is someone to tell me that they truly understand what I’m going through without having to give me the “it’ll be okay” bullshit. I do have friends whom I trust to tell me so, but I just cannot allow myself to complain to them whenever this hits me. I can’t handle being a burden. It kills me.

Another thing that bothers me about myself is the fact that I’m such a paradox. I’d want so desperately to go up to someone and start a conversation with them but at the same time I’d be talking myself out of it, somewhat convinced that I’m better off where I am, although we all know I’m not.

I don’t know. I don’t know who I am. I don’t know what I want. I don’t know how to make something better out of myself. I don’t know what to do next. And I’ve never been more afraid of myself.

This is all I can manage to write at the moment. I won’t even bother proofread, so please excuse any mistakes or vagueness. I do feel slightly  better now that I’ve written this down. I guess I’ll just call this a night.

Until next time, don’t be me. Yes, this is the best advice I could come up with right now. Keep blogging and have a good day/ night.

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