After I last posted here, I took some time off blogging and some other things. I had gotten myself into something new, and I thought it was worth some time. I gave it all the time I could, and it eventually became a distraction, in the good sense. It wasn’t long until I became aware that I could not afford any distractions, so I tried to pull away, pretty subtly, but what started as a subtle move to try to save myself from future disappointment and regret later became a matter of serious conflict and a cause for my many problems.
So I came back here, just as lonely as I was the last time I had myself in front of this webpage, trying to figure out the best way to word this. I’m not quite sure what I’ll end up writing, but as long as I manage to type at least something over here, I won’t complain.
I spoke earlier of a person, a friend, whose happiness brought me relief and comfort because I was unable to find my own anywhere else. Time went by, and that person found a way to make me feel pretty comfortable in his presence. He became a priority of mine, and for a while I thought I was a priority of his, but people talk; that’s what they do. Talking is easy, especially when you’re made to feel so warm that you don’t even have to think about what kind of things you’re going to say. I guess that’s when people are usually tempted to promise you things, even if they know that they won’t be able to keep their word for it, but they go for it because they’re rested, and you’re rested, and giving you such promises will keep you rested for a while longer, so no one’s complaining, right? But damn it we all know that no matter what you do, no such feeling will last that long. Something ought to happen, and it is times like those when people are put to test, and since I’m back here, trying to figure out what to say yet not wanting to give my words much thought, you’d probably guess that the person with whom I was once so at ease with was not one to keep his word.
It’s been a few weeks since the confrontation, and I’ve thought long and hard about where this might end up after what has happened. We gave each other promises. He broke his. I kept mine. He didn’t care. I still wonder if it’s worth considering anymore, and every time I come close to letting it go, my conscience gets in the way.
What I will end up doing, I have no idea, but it’s very unlikely that I do something I’m not okay with. I’m confused and reluctant. Thinking this much is wearing me out, and it shows everywhere. I don’t suppose I can suppress my thoughts very easily. Oh well…
Until next time, never say something you don’t mean, be careful who you put your trust into, stay strong, and keep blogging.