Loneliness has been the most common feeling for quite a while now. It’s become rather difficult for me to find something from which I can draw a feeling besides loneliness and desperation; they say every cloud has a silver lining, but I can’t even tell apart the clouds. It all looks like one jet-black sky for me, with not a single crack from which light can escape to illuminate my dim life.
Not long ago I met some new people and made friends with them. One of them stood out in particular. He seemed to be able to do what I’ve been struggling to achieve for a long time; he came in and opened up a crack for the sunlight to shine through. I do not know how exactly his presence seems to have lifted up my ill mood, but it did.
He’s quite my opposite; extremely extroverted, daring, sociable, optimistic, selfless, and engaging. Every day he tells me about his adventures with utter joy and satisfaction, and it makes me happy. For months I’ve been searching for something to make me the least bit cheerful, and I have finally found it in someone else. I have found my happiness in his. It really does bring me significant relief. I was this close to giving up, locking myself in my room till I rot and die. I never thought I would need someone else to pull me out of my misery. I’ve always been an independent person. I never told anyone about my problems. I never reached out to anyone for help. Heck, he didn’t even know how I felt about everything; he wasn’t even trying to make me feel better. He just did it, and I find that quite remarkable.
Until then, don’t give up, please, appreciate your friends and make use of their presence to pull yourself out of whatever misery you might be drowning in, remember that there’s always a ray of sunshine out there, and you just need to make way for it to come through, and keep blogging.
It is during the roughest times that one’s optimism becomes his only way of fighting back. A single aspect of life is never enough; without darkness we cannot appreciate light. Without hardships we cannot celebrate triumphs. The key to happiness relies on one’s perception of his surroundings. It is only when we learn to see the beauty in every detail of every element that we become at peace with ourselves, and that is the essence of happiness.
Today was off to a relatively good start. Tired and stressed out, I fell asleep reluctantly at 11:30 last night, first time I’ve slept that early all summer. At around 4 AM I woke up feeling rested but still a bit sleepy. Seconds after I closed my eyes, I was asleep again. When I woke up again for the last time, it was 8:05 AM, and I felt much better. The night had gone by without any disturbing dreams or sweaty bed sheets; sounds great if you ask me.
The rest of the day has yet to be planned out. It’s only been a few hours since I woke up, but I intend on doing something satisfying today, maybe shake off those feelings of self-pity I’ve been having lately.
The novel I’m reading was left abandoned yesterday. It’s kind of weird I didn’t reach out to it when I felt so lonely. Anyway, I do have to catch up on reading today if I’m going to finish this book in time to start the others.
If the weather looks better this afternoon I might go out for a run; it’s been a while since I was so satisfied. If not, I’ll just jump rope until my feet bleed.
Until further notice, get enough sleep, keep your body worked out, make sure you’re satisfied with your current state, and keep blogging.
I woke up at 9:30 this morning to sweaty pillows and bed sheets. Today was the first time in two weeks that I woke up before 10:30. I haven’t been sleeping properly, which makes me feel like crap because I’ve always held on to an organised sleeping schedule. Today should’ve made me feel a bit better about myself, but it only made me feel worse. I wasn’t exactly pleased to wake up drenched in sweat, feeling like I’d just been run over by a tank.
I’ve also been having bad dreams, which adds up to my crappy mental state. The heat makes it impossible to go out for a run at any time of the day, I have no friends in the area where I live, my best friend’s on vacation in California, and I’ve never felt so alone.
At nearly 1:25 I was done with my chores for the day. I jumped into the shower, washed all my stress away, got dressed, and put on some new stress. You can never be anywhere near happy in this weather—I mean, I can’t.
The only thing that keeps me from breaking down to tears is reading. As soon as I feel like I can no longer take it I pick up my book and dive into that fictional realm for hours. I don’t know how long I’ll continue to escape my problems like that. I don’t think I care at all. It just makes me feel better.
I hate summer. There’s exactly one month left until school; I hate school and everyone in it. Not looking forward to seeing anyone again. No one at all. It’s going to be my last year in that hell-hole, and I’m praying to God that it goes by with the minimum amount of drama and bullshit.
Until next time, enjoy your summer, find yourself something to kill the loneliness, and keep blogging.