Spontaneous Reflections

Lately I’ve been having some trouble writing. For some reason I can’t seem to focus all of my thoughts on one thing. At times I get a nagging feeling that I need to write; I need to get something out. I hold the thought, reminding myself of it now and then until I’m at the right place and there’s nothing else to bother me while I lay my thoughts down, but as soon as I grab a pencil or boot up my computer my mind goes blank. Just now I’ve spent two whole hours at my desk, computer on and ready, all by myself, no distractions, no worries, no attachments, just me and my scattered thoughts. I’m writing this off the top of my head; I won’t risk trying to dig any deeper so I don’t end up somewhere else.

I had an entirely different subject to write about. I’ve been polishing it up in my mind for days, and now it’s gone. Lost somewhere inside of me, tangled up in my fears and anxieties, my passions and dreams. How terrifying is it that you spend every  second of your entire life in your own company, yet you are the most ignorant about yourself? You could be aware of the fact that there’s much more to you than you—or anyone else—know and still not be able to get a glimpse of what it could possibly be. I reckon that’s where my thoughts go when I don’t hold on to them properly or cannot put enough time and energy to sort them out. What if that’s why I’ve lost them? Could it be that because I am unable to devote the necessary time to myself, I reluctantly give up on myself? I mean, I am my thoughts, and if I can’t handle myself, i.e. my thoughts, do they just abandon me to where I have no access? My own self?

I wonder if there’s some way I could get to explore those places. How much better would it feel to know that you can go back to where everything you’ve ever given up about yourself lies? But at the same time, how dangerous could that be?

Is there a reason we have such limited knowledge and control over who we are? If everyone could instantly go back and forth between who they are and who they once were, the world would be in total chaos. Our tendency to abuse  ourselves psychologically through our extraordinary God-given capabilities could ruin us and our surrounding. It could put anything to an end. Maybe that’s why we’re not allowed to know what we have buried within us, if such a thing even exists, that is.

I don’t know who or what influenced this. I don’t even know why I’m even writing it on my blog for everyone to see. I said I was going to be writing things off the top of my head and here it is. How it transitioned to all this, I have no idea. I’m partly glad it came out like this. Two hours ago I was on the verge of losing my mind. At least now I know something’s still there, although I never even knew I had this in me the whole time.

I won’t go back and proofread it, mainly because I want to keep this spontaneous effect that it’s got. I’ll run it through the automatic proofreader for spelling and grammar errors if there are any, but I won’t change a word of its content.

It’s been quite liberating writing all of this, even though it might not make sense to anyone but myself. I don’t regret publishing this; I won’t regret being myself.


On Musical Preferences and Associated Stereotypes

The list of stupid things people say to one another is endless, and throughout my blogging experience, I will try to cover as many of them as I possibly can. Today’s topic is something that irritates me beyond expression – well, everything on that list does, but anyway, you get my point – and that is how people label you according to what music you listen to.

I won’t act all noble and angelic here; I hate hypocrites. So here it is: I used to be one of those people who disliked others because their musical preferences did not match theirs, but now I realise how stupid that is, so I’ve added it to my list.

If there’s one thing everyone should know it’s that no matter what the subject is, not everyone is going to agree with you; there are always other who will have their own opposing views and will fight to prove them right. But wait, you have your own views too, and you will go to ends to prove them, so who’s right here?

No one. When it comes to views and opinions, there is no right or wrong, and that is something we often forget.

Go and listen to whatever the hell you like, and I’ll be here listening to what I like.  You don’t need to call someone a Satanist for liking Heavy Metal or gay for liking One Direction or retarded for not listening to music at all. You don’t need to make anyone feel uncomfortable and tease them because they think differently, and you don’t need to force someone into doing something they don’t want to do. All you need to do is mind your own damn business and keep your hands out of people’s throats. The best response when someone says “I don’t like specific band/genre” is “That’s okay, you don’t have to” because you’re free to like whatever you want without being bullied for it.

One of the comments that I often get when I tell people I listen to Hard Rock/ Heavy Metal is “you don’t look like it”. Well, I don’t need to be heavily tattooed and pierced to classify as a  Metal-head. No, I don’t summon demons in my free time, and no, I don’t wear all-black every day and hiss at daylight. I look like a normal 17-year-old female. I don’t need a stamp of approval from anyone, and neither     do you.        6a999270ce6ada12b33b7245d25dbb82

So until next time, go ahead and enjoy your favourite music, respect others’ opinions, mind your own beeswax, and keep blogging!