I am a blunt person by nature. Sugarcoating my comments has never been my hobby, and honestly, I’d rather just lay down my opinion on the spot than fabricate something and play along with it for as long as it takes. To some people I’m considered rude; to others, honest. Frankly, how people label me has never been my concern, and I hope they never get the chance to destroy this solid personality that I’ve built for myself over the few years that I’ve lived- I’m only sixteen, technically a child, and some of you might think I’m too young to know what being brought down and criticized is like, but I’ve had my fair share of that. Who cares, anyway? Not me.
I’ve made this blog so I can channel my thoughts to a virtual community, even if that community does not acknowledge my existence; I don’t give a damn. The mere thought of having somewhere to express myself in a society where I’m always asked to “stay out of it” or “watch my words” makes me wish I could plug my brain into this computer so everyone can know what I really have to say on certain topics. I never have this much to say in person. If asked to speak in front of anyone, I’d probably sit there in silence while my mind does the work; it’s always sounded better in my head, and what better way to keep it like that than to let those words slide down to your fingertips? The person reading this will start by reading it silently, (I don’t suppose anyone reads their blog feed aloud, do you?) so it basically still sounds good in your head. I’m not quite sure that makes much sense, but let’s keep it that way. Judging by my previous posts, you’d probably think of me as that dark, twisted person who stays up all night with evil thoughts in her head. Actually, I’m not the most cheerful person either, but I’m not that pessimistic Emo kid you thought I was. I simply find it easier to write in that dark manner, even though I’m not much of a dark person. When asked to check one of my poems, my teacher wrote, “Why so dismal? That is certainly not you.” And I never understood that. I never understood how my teacher was able to tell who I was by just walking into the classroom and doing her job. All she did was listen to my comments and correct my papers, and I don’t believe that gave her much insight on my personality, so why was she so shocked at my style of writing? This is one of the many things that get my head spinning; how people assume to figure out someone’s personality from the way they dress, speak, look, or from the people they hang out with. On the outside I look like any normal teenager (normal would not necessarily mean that I follow the trends everyone tries to follow or that I’m one of those “wannabe” kids you see at the mall). At school, I often have my backpack on my back, not sagging below my ass, and a paperback in my hand. I’m myopic, so I wear corrective glasses. Everyone assumes I’m the smart nerdy girl who studies all night and kills the chill vibe. In fact, I do have high grades and study just enough to maintain my average, but that doesn’t mean that I stay up all night studying or that I don’t know how to have fun. I enjoy reading. Reading is how I have fun. It doesn’t take a party with the cool kids or a ride with your under aged friends to make you feel alive. Books make me feel alive; they are a world on its own. A world embedded in words. This world uncovers when your brain translates these words into pictures and feelings, and those pictures are purely made for you. Another person reading the same book will picture it in a different way and have other feelings towards the same action. I think books are codes meant to be deciphered by the human brain, only there is no single correct way to do so. Whatever your brain comes up with is right; you will succeed at decoding it no matter what you end up with. That is very intriguing. Words; ink on paper…they have the ability to trigger countless feelings, thoughts, reactions in you. Heck, those words can change the way you think. And I find that beautiful. I find it fun. I find it exciting. I’ve always been fascinated by literature. In my own perspective, every word, when read and understood, is a branding iron pressed against your soul. You can call them scars, but let’s face it, those are some beautiful scars you have there.
For the time being, this will do. I will hopefully be back to let you in on some other parts of myself. Again, I do not care if no one ever reads this. I have it up for myself. I blog for my entertainment, not vice versa. However, if you do enjoy reading this for some reason please like/ leave a comment so I know you do. Every like puts a huge smile on my face. Just knowing that someone out there appreciates what I write makes me the happiest person in the world.